You are the girl for me

You are the girl for me.

I know we don’t share the same dream

But if what I see in the future for us two comes true

Then we’ll make one hell of a team.

 

You are the girl of my dream.

The one who makes my heart beats true.

I would lay my life on the line

For you, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do

 

With just your touch, you’ve captured my heart

In love I was drowning from the very start

And still to this day with you

Still, you haven’t the slightest clue.

 

Regardless…you are the girl for me

 

~The Elimist~

Would You Date You?

They say for every man, there is his/her counterpart. Whether or not this is true has yet to be proven. What we do know, as human we go through life hoping that our perfect match would appear and end our hopeless quest. Sometimes we think we know who our perfect match is but in the end, it turns out to be just another ‘fling”. In the end we either pledge our lives to celibacy and to the church or devote all of our time and effort to our pet(s)…yes I’m referring to you cat lady.

Seriously! What is wrong with us? No human is perfect and if you think you are but you’re still single, yeah…you might want to re-evaluate that. For everyone else, there are certain things “we” have to do before even think about our ‘soul mate’. We must ask ourselves this simple question. If there existed another you but the opposite gender (if you’re not into that fine, the same gender) and this person is your exact clone (personality, habits, etc.)…would you date you?

Now, what this question forces you to do is to examine the things that makes you “you” and compare those things to the attributes of a person you are attracted to. If you are honest with yourself and truly take a minute to think about the question, you will find yourself trying to convince yourself that you can actually date yourself. Why do you think that is?

I’m certain at some point we’ve heard the phrase “opposite attracts”. This is the same reason why magnet sticks to metal or to their opposite end. Humans are no different. We want things we don’t have and we look up to people who possess traits we lack. This is why super heroes resounds so much in some of our upbringing. So when we are looking for our perfect mate, we are looking for a person that is everything we are not. If not that, we are looking for that someone that compliments us.

So if we are searching for such person to fill our gaps, what are we doing to fill these gaps ourselves? In other words, what are we doing to make ourselves better, likable by us and back to the first question…date-able?

You see, all this time we’ve been on the wrong quest. The journey is not to find someone that compliments you/me, but instead someone that helps us to become a better person. But if what we lack is unknown to us, there is no journey, we will be stuck chasing a person that doesn’t exist…a figment of our imagination.

I will be honest; I am just waking up from this dream. I realized that no matter what I do, how I speak to woman, and what I wear…I will always have flaws. This is what makes me human, this is what makes us humans but no matter the flaw, there is always something we can do about it. I tend to over analyze situation, I tend to glaze over when speaking with someone I find not interesting, and worst of all i will keep my judgment of a person based on first impression. I would not want to date myself even if you paid me to, for those reasons and more. I know my perfect match is out there but I’m not in active pursuit. Instead, I am searching for and molding a better me.

I am not saying to dislike who you are, I am not saying to change who you are. We are not meant to remain stagnant, we learn, we live, and grow. The tomorrow you should be better than the present you, we should all aspire to be better. After all, we do the same with our profession…why treat this any different? Just make sure when you do decide to face your flaws, you are doing it for you and no one else because you want to be better, because you love yourself. If you can’t do this, how do you expect anyone else to do the same? Live, Love yourself, and grow into a better you…your match made in heaven will soon follow.

~The Elimist~

Life is but a Masquerade

Life is but a masquerade, we waltz to the beat of her will

Round and round the world spins as we remain still

Stuck in a trance, our sense of touch is the first to go

Removing the only thing that binds us to our soul

Unattached it slowly begins to fade

As we become an empty vessel, trapped in this masquerade

~The Elimist~

Status Quo is Not an Option

They say the age of dreamers is long gone and what remains are just remnant of a time long forgotten. A time where we as a nation dared to push the boundaries because we truly believed “this” was not enough. New way of doing things, new ways of thinking, and all of these gave birth to what we have today. The question then becomes, when did we lose our vision and became complacent? We sit atop the accomplishments of our parents and their parents expecting the world to bow down and serve us. We all have been getting plump from the spoils of the past, our senses have dulled, and we have lost connection with what made this nation great. When did status quo become an option?

In classroom, subject areas are being pruned to such an extreme that some don’t even offer Fine Arts anymore. The areas which spark creativity in the mind of adolescents are slowly being removed…why? We tell our children to reach for the star, dream big, all while programming them into mindless drone all for one purpose, to pass a bloody state exam. Where does that leave us against the students of other nations such as China, Germany, and France?

Questions leading to more questions with no solution in sight have become the norm. We as American have stopped asking “why” and are now asking “what” because we choose not to know, to remain ignorant. We choose to live within this false bubble where we tell ourselves that we are “protected” from the quarrels of the world “outside”.  So we detached ourselves, only to poke our heads out when something threatens the integrity of our bubble.  A good example is the current Ebola epidemic that started in Guinea December 2013; so far a little over 4,900 people have been claimed by this virus. The first case in the USA was reported on September 30, 2014 and it was at that moment “we” decided to make this epidemic news worthy. Since then, hospitals have been taking extra measure to prepare for a virus that has already claimed the lives of thousand. This bubble of ours is not impenetrable.

Aside from this current event, there are other topics that just seem to fade when brought up in conversation. Our once great space program (NASA) is almost none existent. Today’s media is saturated with half-truths and to make matter worse, we are willing to be spoon fed it. Our “elected” official all seem to have their own agenda, and no matter how much air time it get, “Race” always seems to be an issue.

We have become a nation of the misguided leading the blind. With our chest puffed up, we wear our arrogance as a coat of armor smiling at the world as we try to mask our shortcomings but there are few of us who are not fooled. We have seen the coming darkness and if things continue as they are now, I’m afraid this hole we are digging for ourselves will be too deep to climb out of.

So what must we do to change course? First thing we need stop ignoring our past as if it is some kind of disease. We relish the glories of the past but we have forgotten about all of the failures that lead to those great triumphs.  Watergate, Vietnam, Black Tuesday, the Great Recession, the list goes on and on. What have we learned from these that could point us in the direction to solving today’s issues such as gun control, the poverty gap, government corruption, and so forth.  Next we must equip ourselves with the tools necessary to make these changes. Whether it be increasing funding for science or re-instating courses that’ll allow kids to tap into their creative sides, if we hope to make any progress tomorrow we cannot wait another minute to take action.

True, you are one but we are many. Change starts first with the individual and then becomes a movement; let us be the change we want to see. Spend more time reading/researching, encourage others to do the same. Share news and finding to spark up conversations. On social media ask a question about life or a topic to get others to share their ideas/thoughts. If there is something you have wanted to learn, go for it. Why wait! Do the same for your child. After school activities, music, sports, clubs, the options are limitless. We can’t wait for others to show us the way, it is time for the Dreamers of the 21st Century to wake up and get moving. As a nation we have been blind for too long, our hands have been idle, let us get up and do. Status quo is not an option!

Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.  – Joel A. Barker

 

~The Elimist~

Live to Lead, Lead by Example

We live in a world that offers to its inhabitants everything. We are told the sky is the limit and we should always strive to be more than what we are. There exists multiple ways of doing so and with it comes the judgment of others. Sadly, we do not always receive the proper guidance of how to do things and as a result we sometimes live by trial and error.

Growing up, I remember being asked, which male figure inspires me the most. Honestly, I had to find out if they meant both dead and alive because I had no one alive who really inspired me. In the little bubble that I resided in (called the ghetto), the male figures were alcoholics, drug dealers, womanizers, and liars. Most of them were not going anywhere in life and would live and die in the same bubble. I’m not sure how I resisted their trap of being “cool” but thank God I did.

You know how misery loves company, the kids my age were all being sucked into gangs and groups because that was the way to go if you wanted any social standing, the girls, the quick money and boy was money hard to come by so kids did what they had to do. Who wouldn’t want extra cash in their pocket! The jobs were easy, school was in the same direction, just put this bag in your back pack and take it to this house 3 blocks from the school house; a quick $20. Back in the days, that went a long way…especially for a 7 year old.

You may look at this situation and say “where were the parents”, oh they were here. Some were too messed up to realize what was going on. But most of the time, the parents were working two, three jobs in order to pay bills and put food on the table. Fathers were a rare sight. So you tell me, what male figure you wanted me to say I looked up to?  Those on TV was even worse and seemed unrealistic, I was not taught to lie.

It wasn’t until I stopped searching and started being the person I couldn’t find, that is when i realized how devastating freedom without direction can be. We are given the world with countless ways of obtaining it. With no direction of how to do so, most fall short and even worst dead because of mainly one reason, they did not have someone to show them how, they did not have someone to look up to, to say this is not the right path. Mom tried and to some extent succeeded but with two jobs and multiple mouths to feed, it is only so much Super Mom could do. So I said to myself, just because I do not have a mentor, a life coach, a father…does not mean I can’t be one for someone else.

By surrounding myself with smart, motivated friends I kept myself out of trouble. In doing so, I was able to be myself without the fear of being rejected. Eventually, people started to notice and like a magnet, it attracted people to me. Slowly those people felt like they had a stake in my friends’ life, my life because they realize we had the potential of defying the norm and actually make something out of ourselves. The most important person out of this bunch is the man I consider to be my first mentor…Spencer.

Spencer is a leader in my church back at home and he is the man in charge of the youth in the church. No easy task because there were a lot of us, each with our own issues and yet he made time for us all. It took me a while to trust him but his words brought me out of a lot of issues. He made the effort to take me to and from church and encouraged me to chase my dreams if it is my heart’s desire. What he really didn’t know is that at that moment, I really wanted to be like him. Have a career, a beautiful family, and a giving heart. Before I left for college, I remember him telling me “Rob, there will be three important choices that you will make that will shape your future…the school (education) you choose to graduate from, the career you choose, and the person you will marry. It amazes me how the one thing I did not have, the one thing I stopped searching for, I finally found.

Still this does not mean I should stop being who I am; I still have a mission to complete. See, there aren’t a lot of people in the world like Spencer; A person that will make time for someone not even of their blood. Sitting in the car with him in front of my apartment were one of my favorite moments because I knew he was listening and cared. Funny thing is that Spencer didn’t even have to speak to me; he would still be considered the person I looked up to. I am big into observation and ever since I stepped foot into that church, he was always on my radar. Did you know that Spencer? Now that I think more about it, it is amazing just how valuable actions are. Even now when I go back to visit, I can feel the little kids looking up at me, trying to see if I am the same person I was before I left for school (because you know…school can change you). Even the adults did the same but not for inspiration, but to be the judge.

Everyone deserves to have a ‘Spencer’ in their life, someone who they could just look to for reassurance, a person who is approachable, and a person who isn’t afraid to tell you to correct yourself. With there being countless ways of obtaining what the world has to offer, it would not hurt to have a reference point or a game plan. I know it has benefited me a lot and I value it because I know what is like to not have one. I pray that by living on this earth if it is anything I do, I want to be a point of reference for someone, anyone. I want to live a life that shows there is a way of doing things that does not involves drugs, stealing, cheating, lying…there is a life out there worth living.

If there were a way to record my life and redistribute it to the kids living in the one parent home, all of the adopted kids, all of the children growing up in poverty…I want them to see that there is a way out. Sadly, my life is live and I would need a film crew by my side each second which is not possible at this moment, so instead I will stick to my pen and paper (in this case, my laptop) and record my story. I am nobody but a boy who has been blessed enough to find friends that cared, a mom who was dedicated, and a mentor/friend who was there for me when I needed it most. I hope there are more like me out there and if you feel you are one, live your life like an open book so that all the children of the world can read and take notes.  Live to lead…lead by example…

 

~The Elimist~

THE DEATH OF THE GENTLEMEN

What is a Gentleman? In today’s society, it is a word tossed around with little added meaning. Perhaps a few decades ago it was worth more but now days, it is seldom seen and as a result, barely spoken of. Yet the word is used, not to describe a man, but the lack of a type of man. A rare breed as most would say, a person who practices chivalry and possesses with them the honor and respect for the things around them. Old stories of legendary Gentlemen would be tossed around, stories that feels to have occurred centuries ago but actually dates back a few decades. So what happened? How could things have changed so suddenly that a breed of men that once existed not too long ago is now a rare sight?

I am sure we all have heard of the term “survival of the fittest”. What if men in order to survive had to change… in order to stay current we had to cast aside old custom and become something else? The cocky guy, the macho-man, the dark mysterious guy, the tool, the “bad boy”…all of these became the hype and the opposite sex was drawn towards it. Suits were out, leather jackets and jeans were in and all of sudden, men found themselves forced to make a decision, we all know what followed.

It became normal to call a woman something other than her name. Personality mattered not, one no longer needed the ability to hold a conversation, and most importantly it was no longer about the other sex…it was about us…men. It grew like wild fire, this trend picked up in schools and around our neighborhood. Soon enough it was on the big screen. The world no longer needed gentlemen because it was now captivated by the new man. So as the years went by, the Order of Gentlemen dwindled. There was no point of being one because it was not profitable, had little to no return, and worst of all, you were forced to go against the norm.

Those daring few who refuse to conform and kept to the old ways faced many obstacles and still do. They are the nice guys, they hold the door open for you, get up to let you sit down, talk to you for hours until you are feeling better. These are the men who would go out of their way to make sure you were okay (even if it means they had to suffer). Gentlemen, a dying breed indeed.

We would look at our elders today and see them so in love as if it was their spring had just begun. We would ask them how they met, the stories they would tell us. Of a type of a love that in today’s world is barely seen, stories where gentlemen played a leading role, not a supporting cast. These stories would bring sorrow to the hearts of woman because they now believe in today’s world that kind of love no longer exist, gentlemen no longer exist and if they do…are hard to find.

Hard to find? I believe we are looking in the wrong places. Almost every woman has a gentleman close by whether they know it or not. Ladies please do not take offense when i say this, you are not to blame, we all share this guilt. A Gentleman indeed is a rare sight. In fact, they are so rare that when spotted most woman want to keep them as a souvenir. This is how the friend zone was created. The Friend Zone is nothing more than a vault to store valuables which so happens to be the gentlemen, the nice guys. To avoid being captured, gentlemen are forced to wear skin not of their own. Eventually some ends up wearing this for the rest of their lives in fear. Some just keep to themselves, hoping they will be discovered and liberated from the shadows. Sadly most are captured and remains currently in that friend zone.

While trapped, they would hear the woes, feel the sorrows of the woman as she searches and comes up short. The love of a gentleman is so strong, it hinders him from speaking out and shouting “i am here, the man you are looking for….search no further”. Instead, he cries in the shadows and loves silently. Some die alone, others try to escape and are either cast back in or abandoned (no Gentlemen want to be abandoned). Then they’re those who do manage to escape and the process itself is heart wrenching. Not only must he leave, he must leave a piece of him behind knowing that he can never get it back.

The life of a Gentleman is not an easy one to live and those who are still true to the Order have the odds stack against them. Never before has there been a bigger threat, never before has the Order of Gentlemen faced extinction. But if there is one thing to note about a Gentleman, it is his strength to endure. I do not claim to know the future. What i do know is that Gentlemen still exist. Maybe not in the same number as in the past but regardless, their existence cannot and will not be denied. There is a reason for everything in life. Perhaps it is the destiny of these few brave soul to lead mankind back into the light…the Gentlemen’s rebirth is inevitable.

 

~The Elimist~

Who Are You Not to Dare?

What am I waiting for? Too many times I have let opportunities pass me by. As a result, constantly I am being reminded of the “what could have been”. I am sick and tired of it. I have always been cautious in everything that I do; sadly a little too cautious because I tend to over think a lot of things. As I look back at a lot of my miss opportunities, I wonder what the hell am I even doing here. Too afraid to take risks, too afraid to go with my gut feeling, and more importantly too afraid to follow my heart…I do not want to live a life full of “what if’s”.

I have witness the result of what happens when one does not pursue, when one over analyze, when one decides to stick with the norm since that is what they are comfortable with. Growing up I have been exposed to people who sit in their shell, refusing to come out and as a result, I slowly became a product of my environment.

Every now and again I would dare to go against the status quo; probably that is why I have made it this far. Now as I sit here writing this I ask myself, when was the last time I tested fate? I have been living comfortably, making calculations, and when it came to making decision, I would over think it…but for what purpose? Am I really doing it for me? Or is this really all for you.

I have done everything requested of me. Be good, get good grades, and so forth. Not saying that these are bad things, but I was living to please, living to satisfy, and not living for me. Honestly, the first real decision I made for myself was choosing my friends and I know I have done a hell of a good job. The problem with that is I have surrounded myself with dedicated, brave, and somewhat risk seeking individuals. Not afraid to combat the norm and pave their own way, I draw my inspiration from them. Now those “every now and again” moment seems more appealing.

Another agent that has fueled this side of me is the concept of YOLO (you only live once). There has never been a truer statement. We have only one life to live, one time to do thing “right”, there is no turning back…once it is done there is not erasing it. So why should I live my life in fear? Why should I over calculate/analyze everything? When will I finally begin to live the life God has granted to me? I say YOLO.

You only live once! Today may be your chance at that contract, relationship, job, whatever it may be. What is stopping you from taking advantage of today? My 10^th grade English taught me a word, Carpe Diem; it means to seize the day. In other words seize the present, it is a gift handed to you…why are you waiting for tomorrow to take control? YOLO!

I have one life to live, one chance to do things not correctly, but the way I desire them to be. I want the remaining years I have left on this earth to be filled with no regrets and you can too. Starting today, cast aside your self-doubts, cast aside all insecurities, and most importantly, realize the potential you have inside. No one knows you better than you, and only you can out do you. Stop living in the shadows of the critics, those skeptics and reach out and take a stab in the dark. Life is a onetime things and this is a gamble you should be willing to take.

I have lived a life in the shadows, a life played in accordance with the “rules” set forth by others. I know I am more than what I am now; just like me, you have realized this too. This is only the second month of 2014 so we have plenty of time to set things right. Right according to our standards and what we want to do. So the next time doubt creeps up in your mind, respond with a YOLO. Respond with a daring will to challenge the norm. Respond not for others, but for the sake of you and your desires. Who are you not to dare?

“Who are you to deny greatness? If you would deny it to yourself, you would deny it to the entire world”

 ~The Elimist~

The Law of Sacrifice: The Stepping Stones to Happiness

Growing up we all have heard either from our teachers, parents, coaches…hard work pays off, nothing in life is free, and nothing comes from nothing… just to name a few. These are some of the most valuable lesson a person can learn. But just like you, when I first heard these phrases I placed no real value in them because I did not yet comprehend their true meaning.

Why is it that nothing in life is free? Why must I work hard in order to get something? Why can’t I just receive without ever giving at all? People constantly try to find ways to answer these questions by searching for loop holes, flaws in this Law. Sometimes it may seem as if they finally did but in the end, that added value is missing, I believe Frederick Douglass said it best himself.

“A man, at times, gets something for nothing, but it will, in his hands, amount to nothing.”

What is Sacrifice?

To properly understand this, we must first examine the definition of Sacrifice. Taken from the Merriam-Webster dictionary, Sacrifice (n) means “the act of giving up something that you want to keep especially in order to get or do something else or to help someone”.  Another definition is “something given up or lost”.  Either way two actions are being done, the act of giving up, and the desire to obtain something else in return.  A lot of time we focus too much on the first action and not enough on the second and here lies the problem.

The Law of Sacrifice

The Law of Sacrifice states that you cannot get something you want, without giving up something in return. In order to attain something you believe is of greater value, you must give up something you believe is of lesser value.

We see this played out all the time. In movies, TV shows, a man/woman faces a decision and must choose one or the other. In the end he/she choose the one that is worth more than the other, sacrifice.

Why do I have to choose?

Why should we have to choose? If we do not sacrifice, all that we have will mean the same things. We sacrifice because we understand the importance of value. It is that value that gives the object, person, or whatever it may be meaning to us. Making sacrifices allows for one to appreciate what they have because they know what they have sacrificed in order to obtain it.

Sacrifice is an act of progression. We understand that not everything could be carried forward into the future therefore we “leave” them behind. A person who holds on to everything rarely progresses, instead that added weight spread him/her across and in the end, remains anchored by them.

If you want a new car, most of the time you will need to save up and forgo needless expenses. Same thing for a house or perhaps you want to lose weight, giving up junk food and setting time aside to exercise is the sacrifice most make.

The Reality

The sad truth is that we are living in a day and age where very few Sacrifices are made. Everyone has fallen for that get rich quick scheme. Each day a new shortcut is created to obtain something, as a result we are lead to believe very little if any sacrifice is needed. I am sure we have all seen it, those commercial where a guy claims to have made million doing this one simple thing and his secrets is all your…all you have to do is purchase this, subscribe to that and jump over this building (all of which of course is easier than the traditional way).

We have seen the side effects of these “shortcuts”.  None serve as a better example than our government. If anything we all should learn that when we are receiving more than we are producing, we are encountering a trade deficit. To counter this we must borrow, and to pay off that loan we borrow some more. All while receiving more and producing less. When are we going to learn that this is not the proper way to run a country? When did it ever become the way of living?

The Path to Happiness

What is life without its sacrifices? What meaning will it hold for us if we did not have to constantly weigh the value of our possession to obtain what we desire most? Why is it when someone has reached/obtained a desire goal, there is a feeling of joy…happiness?

Many people focus too much on the first action of sacrifice, which is the act of giving up. The true treasure lies in its purpose. When we obtain that desired end result, we realize that that sacrifice was not all lost; it became a stepping stone to give us that extra boost.

Each sacrifice made, we are laying the foundations to that end result. It all begins with accepting it not as something we are giving up, but instead as a path leading to a destination. It could be a path for yourself, your family, a friend, or for a stranger. We must be able to move beyond the first action and see it’s true purpose, only then will be able to grasp the value which is added on to the end result, happiness.

“In this world it is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich.” – Henry Ward Beecher

~The Elimist~

Remembering

Sometimes it is not the things you do in life that defines you, it is how you do it. The effort you put into making it happen, the drive and passion that fueled it all into being…that is the true definition of a man. In this definition lies something else, a truth that many have long forgotten and as a result we as human have strayed from…Remembering.

Remembering how It felt to be down on your knees, tears running down your face as you say to yourself “there is no way in hell I am going to make it”. Those tears of frustration when you repeatedly put all of your strength and effort into something only to have it blow up in your face. Remembering the feeling of being alone…these are just a few of thing we forget and as a result we fall into the same trap time after time again. A constant loop that many wonder when and how they are ever going to break out of.

Remembering…something not easily done.  So I will not just end with the obviously, no it goes way deeper than that. We record our past and call it history; we store these memories and put it on the shelf. We take photos and put them into frames and hang them on our walls….both serves the same purpose, to remind us of a point in the past ….these are memories.

Memories are nothing without meaning, the meaning is nothing if a lesson is not learned from it and that is where we as human are flawed. It is the lessons we learn in life that gives these memories meaning. It is these lessons in life that makes these memories worth remembering.  We have been storing empty memories that in the end, means nothing. What have we learned from our past? Albert Einstein once said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. We humans have gone mad.

As we approach this New Year, let us all reflect on the things we have done, how we did them, and what we could have done better. Remember your failures, how you failed, and take it from there. See, without doing so, we will be stuck in the endless loop of repetition. “New Year new me” is a phrase I hear a lot and yet this was the same thing spoken around this time last year. Don’t you remember?

Remember the lessons of the past, those are the things that gives our memories meaning. It is not the things you do in life that defines you, it is how you do it. Live, Remember, Learn, Grow, Progress…

~The Elimist~