You are the girl for me

You are the girl for me.

I know we don’t share the same dream

But if what I see in the future for us two comes true

Then we’ll make one hell of a team.

 

You are the girl of my dream.

The one who makes my heart beats true.

I would lay my life on the line

For you, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do

 

With just your touch, you’ve captured my heart

In love I was drowning from the very start

And still to this day with you

Still, you haven’t the slightest clue.

 

Regardless…you are the girl for me

 

~The Elimist~

Would You Date You?

They say for every man, there is his/her counterpart. Whether or not this is true has yet to be proven. What we do know, as human we go through life hoping that our perfect match would appear and end our hopeless quest. Sometimes we think we know who our perfect match is but in the end, it turns out to be just another ‘fling”. In the end we either pledge our lives to celibacy and to the church or devote all of our time and effort to our pet(s)…yes I’m referring to you cat lady.

Seriously! What is wrong with us? No human is perfect and if you think you are but you’re still single, yeah…you might want to re-evaluate that. For everyone else, there are certain things “we” have to do before even think about our ‘soul mate’. We must ask ourselves this simple question. If there existed another you but the opposite gender (if you’re not into that fine, the same gender) and this person is your exact clone (personality, habits, etc.)…would you date you?

Now, what this question forces you to do is to examine the things that makes you “you” and compare those things to the attributes of a person you are attracted to. If you are honest with yourself and truly take a minute to think about the question, you will find yourself trying to convince yourself that you can actually date yourself. Why do you think that is?

I’m certain at some point we’ve heard the phrase “opposite attracts”. This is the same reason why magnet sticks to metal or to their opposite end. Humans are no different. We want things we don’t have and we look up to people who possess traits we lack. This is why super heroes resounds so much in some of our upbringing. So when we are looking for our perfect mate, we are looking for a person that is everything we are not. If not that, we are looking for that someone that compliments us.

So if we are searching for such person to fill our gaps, what are we doing to fill these gaps ourselves? In other words, what are we doing to make ourselves better, likable by us and back to the first question…date-able?

You see, all this time we’ve been on the wrong quest. The journey is not to find someone that compliments you/me, but instead someone that helps us to become a better person. But if what we lack is unknown to us, there is no journey, we will be stuck chasing a person that doesn’t exist…a figment of our imagination.

I will be honest; I am just waking up from this dream. I realized that no matter what I do, how I speak to woman, and what I wear…I will always have flaws. This is what makes me human, this is what makes us humans but no matter the flaw, there is always something we can do about it. I tend to over analyze situation, I tend to glaze over when speaking with someone I find not interesting, and worst of all i will keep my judgment of a person based on first impression. I would not want to date myself even if you paid me to, for those reasons and more. I know my perfect match is out there but I’m not in active pursuit. Instead, I am searching for and molding a better me.

I am not saying to dislike who you are, I am not saying to change who you are. We are not meant to remain stagnant, we learn, we live, and grow. The tomorrow you should be better than the present you, we should all aspire to be better. After all, we do the same with our profession…why treat this any different? Just make sure when you do decide to face your flaws, you are doing it for you and no one else because you want to be better, because you love yourself. If you can’t do this, how do you expect anyone else to do the same? Live, Love yourself, and grow into a better you…your match made in heaven will soon follow.

~The Elimist~

THE DEATH OF THE GENTLEMEN

What is a Gentleman? In today’s society, it is a word tossed around with little added meaning. Perhaps a few decades ago it was worth more but now days, it is seldom seen and as a result, barely spoken of. Yet the word is used, not to describe a man, but the lack of a type of man. A rare breed as most would say, a person who practices chivalry and possesses with them the honor and respect for the things around them. Old stories of legendary Gentlemen would be tossed around, stories that feels to have occurred centuries ago but actually dates back a few decades. So what happened? How could things have changed so suddenly that a breed of men that once existed not too long ago is now a rare sight?

I am sure we all have heard of the term “survival of the fittest”. What if men in order to survive had to change… in order to stay current we had to cast aside old custom and become something else? The cocky guy, the macho-man, the dark mysterious guy, the tool, the “bad boy”…all of these became the hype and the opposite sex was drawn towards it. Suits were out, leather jackets and jeans were in and all of sudden, men found themselves forced to make a decision, we all know what followed.

It became normal to call a woman something other than her name. Personality mattered not, one no longer needed the ability to hold a conversation, and most importantly it was no longer about the other sex…it was about us…men. It grew like wild fire, this trend picked up in schools and around our neighborhood. Soon enough it was on the big screen. The world no longer needed gentlemen because it was now captivated by the new man. So as the years went by, the Order of Gentlemen dwindled. There was no point of being one because it was not profitable, had little to no return, and worst of all, you were forced to go against the norm.

Those daring few who refuse to conform and kept to the old ways faced many obstacles and still do. They are the nice guys, they hold the door open for you, get up to let you sit down, talk to you for hours until you are feeling better. These are the men who would go out of their way to make sure you were okay (even if it means they had to suffer). Gentlemen, a dying breed indeed.

We would look at our elders today and see them so in love as if it was their spring had just begun. We would ask them how they met, the stories they would tell us. Of a type of a love that in today’s world is barely seen, stories where gentlemen played a leading role, not a supporting cast. These stories would bring sorrow to the hearts of woman because they now believe in today’s world that kind of love no longer exist, gentlemen no longer exist and if they do…are hard to find.

Hard to find? I believe we are looking in the wrong places. Almost every woman has a gentleman close by whether they know it or not. Ladies please do not take offense when i say this, you are not to blame, we all share this guilt. A Gentleman indeed is a rare sight. In fact, they are so rare that when spotted most woman want to keep them as a souvenir. This is how the friend zone was created. The Friend Zone is nothing more than a vault to store valuables which so happens to be the gentlemen, the nice guys. To avoid being captured, gentlemen are forced to wear skin not of their own. Eventually some ends up wearing this for the rest of their lives in fear. Some just keep to themselves, hoping they will be discovered and liberated from the shadows. Sadly most are captured and remains currently in that friend zone.

While trapped, they would hear the woes, feel the sorrows of the woman as she searches and comes up short. The love of a gentleman is so strong, it hinders him from speaking out and shouting “i am here, the man you are looking for….search no further”. Instead, he cries in the shadows and loves silently. Some die alone, others try to escape and are either cast back in or abandoned (no Gentlemen want to be abandoned). Then they’re those who do manage to escape and the process itself is heart wrenching. Not only must he leave, he must leave a piece of him behind knowing that he can never get it back.

The life of a Gentleman is not an easy one to live and those who are still true to the Order have the odds stack against them. Never before has there been a bigger threat, never before has the Order of Gentlemen faced extinction. But if there is one thing to note about a Gentleman, it is his strength to endure. I do not claim to know the future. What i do know is that Gentlemen still exist. Maybe not in the same number as in the past but regardless, their existence cannot and will not be denied. There is a reason for everything in life. Perhaps it is the destiny of these few brave soul to lead mankind back into the light…the Gentlemen’s rebirth is inevitable.

 

~The Elimist~

Creating Your Own Prison: The Three Stage Process

According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of Prison is “a state of confinement or captivity”.  If you ask anyone [randomly] what does prison mean to them, you will most likely get a response like “a place where bad people (criminals) go” or just a description of what a prison cell is like (dark, lonely, etc). Here is my definition, a prison is your perception…in other words, how you see things.  

Growing up, i am pretty sure we all have heard of the glass being half empty, half full analogy or maybe even the world is your oyster. These were things i would hear from my grade school teachers. “Anything is possible/you can become what ever you want to be” were the common ones. “What do you want to be when you grow up” i remember my first grade teacher asking me. My response was everything! Why? Because at that time i felt like i could do it all. Well…that was until i was exposed to the “real world”. 

I am not sure when this occurred by i started realizing one by one, the people i grew up with, were either being killed or going to jail. I started listening to music that spoke about oppression, and i would read. I found knowledge in books and gained understanding every time i turned on the television to watched the news. Another black crime, another black teen arrested for drug possession, the list goes on and i came to a conclusion that for some reason my race was not compatible with society.  Realization….this is stage one. 

This was nothing intentional and the process took years to complete but once the thought was there…it took a lot of effort to change it. I knew i had about a 40% chance of graduating high school, especially with my back ground (single parent home, raised in a gang filled neighborhood), it was only a matter of time before i too was either in Jail or dead.  I made no effort to resist. Acceptance…this is Stage two. 

Stage three is actually living according to the prison. Luckily i never reached this staged. I was fortunate to have found a group of friends who too knew about oppression and about the “confinements” that society have “place on blacks”. Only difference is that they have chosen not to live according to it. Slowly, i began to do the same. I resisted the urge of not wanting to try hard. In doing so i made it my life goal to defy the stereotypes that have been placed upon me since the day i left my mother’s womb. Here i am, 22 years later, months away from getting two degrees, working, and most importantly living not just for myself, but as an example. 

Not all prisons are the same, but they all follow the same process. First you must realize a situation. It could be something physical, mental, or even social. What ever it may be, you have to recognize it. This is then followed by stage two which is accepting this realization to be true. By doing so you are not only limiting what you could do about it, but it creates (slowly) a comfort level where you no longer have the will/urge to resist and inevitably you will live according to this prison that you have now completed, the third and final stage.

Perhaps knowing this will make no difference for you. Maybe you just don’t care anymore. I hope this is not the case. I hope that now you are examining your very own prisons (yes…you can be in multiple prisons) and thinking, how can i get out of it.  The solution is simple, reverse the process. Stop living according to the wills of the prison and resist. Make the necessary changes and they you will realize that the old truth you were living in, is invalid. For the most part this is something that can be done alone but for bigger issues like the one i was in, it will take a mixture of family, friends, and the most important ingredient “you”,  to successfully dismantle a prison. 

Remember, a prison is not only a physical place, it is also something we humans create daily, in our mind. We limit our growth, potential, and as a result..kill hope. Let us all dismantle the prisons we have created, only then can we truly be free.

“Within yourself deliverance must be searched for, because each man makes his own prison.” – Edwin Arnold

~The Elimist~